He Gives Good Gifts

I'm leaving for Nepal in just a couple weeks. What can I say...but that this is the fulfillment of a dream and passion God put inside me when I was in 7th grade. It blows me away to think that He really has good gifts for His children. There have been so so many times that I didn't believe that...didn't believe I was worth enough or good enough. Dark dark times where life seemed hopeless. It was just a year or two ago when i thought...i'll never go...i'll never get better...i'm too sick. Ya know, I have dealt with depression and obsessive compulsive disorder for some time...but my Jesus healed me and he continues to do it too...Many nights I would curl up in the fetus position, in anguish...weeping....wondering...when would he take away the pain. Why would he let me suffer so? Why? Why? Why? If He is such a "good God" then why did he let his little Alisha suffer. But ya see...now i know why he let me feel the pain...it pushed me to a place where I had to really find out what kind of god I decided I would serve. You know what I found out? He is the kind of God I want to follow and devote my life to. He isn't some angry, judgemental, dictator...NO. He is a loving so so so gentle King...I had him in a box that fit my understanding of the world and pain. HE IS SO MUCH MORE!!! You know what I hear him call me sometimes...? I hear him gently call me his "dear one." I can't begin to express the gift this is that I get to go to a country i have always dreamed of. This trip is my Jesus saying..."here you  are my dear girl...you thought I forgot about you...you thought you're life was worthless...but you were wrong...this is for you my dear child...this is for you."